Critics Crown Taylor Swift’s Future Divorce Album the GOAT
LOS ANGELES, CA—On August 30, 2025, mere moments after toasting Taylor Swift’s engagement to Travis Kelce, music critics gleefully declared […]
Kamala Harris Flees Assassins After Trump Cuts Secret Service
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—On August 30, 2025, Vice President Kamala Harris was reportedly spotted sprinting from a swarm of international assassins
Taylor Swift Nixes Bridesmaids, Shocks Brittany Mahomes
LEAWOOD, KS—On August 29, 2025, pop queen Taylor Swift dropped a wedding bombshell on Brittany Mahomes, declaring her nuptials with
Trump Spins ‘Wheel of Random Deportation’ for Migrants
WASHINGTON, D.C.—On August 28, 2025, President Donald Trump debuted his zany ‘Wheel of Random Country You Get Deported To,’ a
Denny’s Offers Free Pancakes for Parking Lot Brawls
SPARTANBURG, SC—On August 28, 2025, Denny’s unveiled a wild new deal: free pancakes for customers who slug it out in
Travis Kelce Blankly Nods at Cat Ring Bearer Bow Ties
LEAWOOD, KS—On August 28, 2025, a glassy-eyed Travis Kelce, 35, mumbled approvals as fiancée Taylor Swift showcased sparkly bow ties
French Montana Snags Dubai Princess in Wild Engagement Caper
DUBAI, UAE—On August 27, 2025, French Montana, 40, allegedly swiped the heart of Dubai’s Princess Sheikha Mahra, 31, in a
Taylor Swift’s Engagement to Travis Kelce Nixed by Referee
KANSAS CITY, MO—On August 27, 2025, a referee leapt from the bushes, whistle blaring, to overturn Taylor Swift’s engagement to
Trump Aides Baffled by Spalding’s Mysterious PAC Cash Dump
WASHINGTON, D.C.—On August 27, 2025, President Trump’s inner circle was left gobsmacked as sporting goods titan Spalding funneled millions into