SACRAMENTO, CA — In what he calls a bold stand against federal overreach, California Governor Gavin Newsom has proudly declared the state a “sanctuary” for child slavery.
The shocking announcement came shortly after Newsom publicly condemned ICE’s efforts to rescue unaccompanied minors allegedly forced to work in California’s marijuana fields. According to the governor, these efforts disrupt California’s “progressive values” of offering opportunities — even to child traffickers.
“It’s important to create a welcoming environment where child slavery can thrive without interference from the federal government,” Newsom declared during a press conference. “California remains committed to providing a safe workspace for traffickers and ensuring they are free to exploit minors without fear.”
One child trafficker, who asked to remain anonymous, applauded the move. “Finding safe places to run our operations has been tough lately,” he confessed. “Thanks to Newsom, we can continue to sell kidnapped children and rake in huge profits. Truly inspiring leadership.”
The Association of Child Slave Traffickers praised Newsom’s move, calling it “a visionary policy that sets a new standard for the nation.”
At press time, Governor Newsom announced a new incentive program, offering free child slaves to any ICE agents willing to abandon their enforcement duties.
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