SACRAMENTO, CA — In a shocking twist that has stunned the political world, California Governor Gavin Newsom has officially filed a lawsuit against… himself. The governor claims that Gavin Newsom has single-handedly demolished Gavin Newsom’s promising political career.
“Frankly, no one has done more damage to my presidential hopes than me,” said a visibly frustrated Newsom at a press conference held in front of a mirror. “I’m suing myself for my constant incompetence, embarrassing scandals, and endless self-inflicted wounds. The damage I’ve caused to my own brand is beyond measure. I’ve been an absolute menace to my own future.”
Legal experts say this might be the most bizarre career sabotage case in California’s history. If successful, Gavin Newsom may have to pay himself millions for lost endorsements and shattered dreams of higher office.
“Governor Newsom’s mishandling of COVID restrictions, questionable dinner parties at luxury restaurants, and habit of alienating voters have all played a role in torpedoing his chances,” said Harold Blanc, a California legal analyst. “Frankly, no opponent could have done a better job.”
At press time, Gavin Newsom was reportedly seen hate-watching his own campaign ads while furiously leaving negative reviews on his personal podcast.