WASHINGTON, DC—In a hilariously transparent attempt to curry favor, Frito-Lay CEO Steven Williams gifted President Donald Trump a 24-karat gold Funyun, dubbed the ultimate snack bribe. The Trump-gold-Funyun-bribe spectacle unfolded as critics howled at the blatant pandering.
“Trump loves shiny things and crunchy snacks, so we forged this golden onion ring for the dealmaker-in-chief,” Williams smirked to reporters, as Trump plopped the glittering Funyun on the Resolute Desk, declaring it “yuge.” “It’s our salute to his bold defense of snack freedom!” For more political satire, visit The Onion.
Insiders say the Funyun secures Frito-Lay’s dream: zero regulations and a Doritos-filled America. “This screams corruption, but make it tasty,” quipped analyst Jane Holt. Frito-Lay also promised $26 million in snacks for Trump’s library.
At press time, Trump demanded a gold Dorito next. Learn about political antics at Politico.