Satire

The complete Jets offensive line is prepared to leave if the team decides to sign Kaepernick, as they believe he is not deserving of their protection.

The entire New York Jets offensive line has declared their intention to resign from the team if the front office decides to sign Colin Kaepernick. Left Guard Joe Barron stated, “We won’t take orders from him; he’s not worth protecting.” Right Tackle William Vanden Boom confirmed that the entire front five, along with the Tight End in applicable situations, will leave.

The potential addition of Kaepernick to the league would undoubtedly spark controversy, and any team signing him can expect similar resistance. Last year, a fictional version of the Oakland Raiders, still playing in Oakland, considered signing the 35-year-old, leading to half the team threatening to quit, as detailed in an article of similar quality to this one.

Kaepernick has patiently awaited an opportunity, and there have been speculative claims that he used some form of unconventional tactics, such as voodoo on Aaron Rodgers’ Achilles tendon, with a +2 dagger of invisibility. Kaepernick dismissed the accusation, asserting that daggers are meant for stabbing, not slashing, and his level 34 Paladin, Manx the Demon Slayer, would have ensured Aaron’s survival had he been present.

These developments suggest that dealing with controversies and challenges is just another day in the life of Kaepernick and the left-leaning sports community.

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