SACRAMENTO, CA—Kamala Harris, former Vice President, declared today she’s quitting politics to devote more time to vodka.
After losing the 2024 election, Harris reflected on her priorities. She realized vodka topped the list. “I can’t wait to relax at home with vodka,” she said. “It’s simple—you pour it from a bottle, drink it, and sometimes people yell, ‘That’s enough!’ Then you wake up. That’s vodka.”
Former aide Ashley Morton noted Harris struggled to balance politics with vodka. “She missed vodka during long work nights,” Morton said. “Her passion for politics faded, but her thirst for vodka grew. I’m thrilled she’s following her heart.”
At press time, Harris reportedly celebrated a joyful reunion with Tito’s vodka at her San Francisco home.