ZANESVILLE, OH—On September 12, 2025, Army veteran Doug Whitley gleefully revealed he’s using his GI Bill to bankroll a stint at Andrew Tate’s Hustlers University, aiming to morph into a “Top G” and ditch the “sheep” life. The GI-Bill-Hustlers-University-Andrew-Tate saga, a satirical hoot, sees Whitley chasing alpha status through Tate’s online courses.
“Ten years in the Army, and now I’m grinding with Tate!” Whitley crowed, noting the GI Bill covered the $49.99 monthly fee, plus extras like the “Instagram Playbook” and “Pimpin Hoe Degree.” He dreams of defending alleged creeps in global courts. For more wild tales, visit The Onion.
Analyst Tara Kline snorted, “From foxholes to Tate’s hustle hole—wild!” Whitley’s GI-Bill-Hustlers-University-Andrew-Tate journey has X users cackling. Check updates at The Babylon Bee. At press time, he was practicing Tate’s squinting glare, funded by taxpayers.