Satire

Garth Brooks is voting to be removed from the Academy of Country Music’s roster.

Garth Brooks has lost his status as a voting member of the Academy of Country Music, according to inside sources just moments before the writing of this exclusive article. The Board of Governors initiated a vote, calling for a membership quorum, and discussions ensued regarding whether a full-body vote should occur. CMA Comptroller Joe Barron stated, “We’re currently awaiting the tabulation of results from all three ballots.”

Once the ballots are tallied, the decision will be irrevocable, and Brooks will be promptly asked to depart from the tribal council area.

This expulsion marks a rare occurrence, the only comparable incident being Taylor Swift’s departure. Swift’s exit was inevitable following her shift to writing more authentic music after claiming roots in a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania.

Without his membership, Brooks loses the ability to participate in voting processes and subsequent decisions. This includes votes on whether or not to conduct a vote, creating a complex web of decision-making. Additionally, he forfeits other membership benefits, such as a 20 percent discount at Golden Corral and a free refrigerator magnet after three visits to Kid Rock’s Nashville Honky Tonk, where a three-drink minimum is enforced.

In essence, Brooks is anticipated to deeply regret this turn of events.

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