COLUMBUS, OH — A comprehensive study by researchers at The Ohio State University has finally confirmed what many suspected: everything really is Steve’s fault.
From bad weather and car trouble to unexpected stomach issues, it all seems to lead back to Steve.
“The evidence is overwhelming — it’s all Steve’s fault,” said lead researcher Dr. Kevin Marrone. “No matter the problem, we can always trace it back to Steve. He’s truly the worst. Steve.”
Scientists were initially hopeful they might find a single incident not linked to Steve. “We thought there had to be something — maybe a hurricane, a global famine, or a random flat tire — that wasn’t his doing,” explained Dr. Emily Rataski. “But no. It’s all Steve. Every single time.”
In a surprising twist, Steve has come forward to accept the blame. “Yeah, they’re right,” Steve admitted. “I’m really sorry.”