CORK, IRELAND—The National Parks & Wildlife Service dropped a 7,457-km² biodome over Cork to contain an invasive Asian hornet threatening local bees. The Cork-biodome-Asian-hornet move, meant to curb ecological disaster, has trapped residents in a wild, sealed-off county.
“We expected riots, but Cork folks are thrilled,” said an NPWS worker. “We’re now stopping outsiders from sneaking in—some weirdos misheard ‘hornet’ as ‘horny Asians.’” For more environmental satire, visit The Irish Times.
Chaos erupted as a Dubliner with a flamethrower torched the county. “Hornets? Nah, I just can’t stand Cork,” he shrugged. Analyst Sean Kelly quipped, “This dome’s a Rebel party now.”
At press time, Cork residents embraced their biodome life. Learn about invasive species at RTÉ. Our absurd scoop begs you to share it!