Beyoncé Announces the Postponement of Her “Country” Tour: “We Were Not Able to Refund Those Tickets”
Beyonce Knowles has enjoyed a remarkably fortunate life, boasting a family and a remarkable career that has garnered her more Grammy awards than any other individual on the planet.
Regrettably, this prosperity did not extend to her attempt at becoming a country star. After just one performance before a few hundred devoted fans, Beyonce has decided to end her venture into country music.
“She tried too hard,” remarked Tour Producer Joe Barron. “I advised her that incorporating Franklin’s music would backfire, but she wouldn’t listen. She insisted, ‘It’s just country, Joe. Nobody cares about the music as long as it has a beat you can line dance to.’ I told her she was mistaken, but she insisted on learning the hard way.”
And learn the hard way she did. Knowles is now obligated to pay cancellation fees to each of the 194 venues, and she will also forfeit deposits on catering, likely totaling in the millions. Barron added, “I don’t even want to discuss the check for the porta-a-potty company.”
Garth Brooks, reflecting on his own attempt to break into the rock scene, commented, “It didn’t work out, and in the end, I just looked kinda silly.” Brooks revealed that he advised Beyonce to stick to her own genre because country is “a cut-throat business of hacks singing twanged-out pop songs so they can open a bar in Nashville.”
Fact-checkers confirmed Garth’s statements about both the line-dancing phenomenon and the prevalence of artists singing about pickup trucks in the country music business.
