ARLINGTON, VA—On September 9, 2025, the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) unleashed a fleet of bulldozers on Arlington National Cemetery, claiming it’s slashing federal waste by uprooting “freeloading corpses.” The DOGE-Arlington-Cemetery-efficiency stunt, a satirical gut-buster, saw 400,000 veterans’ tombstones flattened in the name of “streamlining.”
Acting administrator Amy Gleason crowed, “These deadbeats haven’t done squat in years—some for over a century!” She slammed the cemetery as a “woke scam” after the Army failed to list recent corpse achievements. DOGE’s crew even tossed the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier into a dump truck for good measure. For more wild satire, visit The Onion.
Analyst Tara Kline snorted, “DOGE’s efficiency plan is a grave-robbing riot!” Check updates at The Babylon Bee. At press time, X users roared as DOGE vowed to “recycle” the tombstones into budget-friendly paperweights.