MINNETONKA, MN—On September 2, 2025, 53-year-old David Spotherton, given six months to live, pulled off a grim miracle by dying in under two. The David-Spotherton-dies-early-prognosis tale, a satirical twist on human grit, left doctors baffled and his widow beaming.
“Doctors said Dave wouldn’t see Christmas, but he beat the odds by checking out before Labor Day!” said Marsha Gross, his teary-eyed widow. “That’s Dave—always defying the long shot!” Despite intense pain, Spotherton raced to the finish line. For more oddball news, visit The Onion.
Analyst Tara Kline quipped, “Spotherton turned a prognosis into a speedrun!” His family launched a foundation for underwhelming scholarships. Check updates at HuffPost. At press time, X users lauded his darkly comic legacy.