UNDISCLOSED LOCATION—Billionaire Elon Musk awoke bruised and bound, shouting, “Where am I?” after being kidnapped near his Texas home. The Elon-Musk-evil-clone saga unfolded as he discovered a doppelgänger ruining his reputation.
“I need to tweet about Dogecoin!” Musk cried, recalling a black car and men attacking him. A shadowy figure in a suit emerged, saying, “Your public image is handled.” For more on tech conspiracies, visit Wired.
A TV revealed Musk’s clone praising China, slamming Bitcoin, and pushing a globalist, green agenda under a one-world order. “We’ve unfollowed The Babylon Bee for you,” the figure taunted. Musk screamed, “NOOOOO!”
The clone’s actions shocked fans. “It’s not Elon!” said analyst Tara Lee. Learn about cloning tech at TechCrunch. At press time, Musk remained trapped, desperate to reclaim his identity.