Hulk Hogan’s Corpse Shocks Funeral Home with Body Slam

CLEARWATER, FL—Hulk Hogan, who died last week at 71, stunned a funeral home Monday when his spasming corpse body slammed a mortician.

“At around 1:34 p.m., Hogan’s body twitched violently, tore open its body bag, and attacked the mortician,” said funeral home director Audrey Pearson. The WWE legend’s stiffening muscles let out a final “Brother!” Then, the corpse climbed the embalming table, leaped over 10 feet, and delivered a crushing leg drop.

Despite no brain activity, Hogan’s body knocked a formaldehyde bottle from the mortician’s hand. Next, it locked him in a headlock and smashed his head against a cabinet door. Finally, the cadaver flexed its biceps, raised its arms, and roared. With one hand cupped to its ear, it collapsed as rigor mortis set in.