Millennials Facing Sadness Over Missing Out on Classic ‘Get Off My Lawn’ Moment
TORONTO – A new study reveals that a major cause of growing sadness among millennials is the painful realization that they may never have the opportunity to shout at kids to “get off their lawn” — because they likely won’t own one.
According to economist Sandra Wilks of the University of Toronto, this unique form of disillusionment is tied to long-held life expectations. “Many people spent their youth imagining the joy of glaring out their front window, filled with righteous anger at neighborhood kids daring to play on their precious grass. Sadly, homeownership for millennials is becoming an unattainable dream.”
Joey Brown, a 36-year-old restaurant manager, shared his dashed ambitions. “My wife and I used to imagine our future — sitting in rocking chairs, shaking our fists at laughing children on our lawn. I even considered buying a decorative shotgun for full effect. Now, that dream is fading.”
Taking advantage of this generational disappointment, some baby boomers have begun renting out their extra lawns, offering millennials the experience of pretending to own a home — and the right to yell at kids. Critics say this is just another “boomer cash grab,” with many labeling them “lawnlords.”
“We don’t even want your lawns,” said one frustrated millennial, “we just want the experience of acting old and angry.”
Despite the humor in the situation, it underscores real economic frustration. “We talked about staging a protest on Parliament Hill,” said Brown, “but decided we’d rather not be told to get off their lawn.”
As a compromise, Brown has now taken to angrily chasing squirrels away from the shared community garden — a small, if unsatisfying, substitute for his suburban lawn fantasy.