WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Pam Bondi clarified today that she truly intended to make the Epstein files public, but ultimately decided against it after several pedophiles personally requested she keep them confidential.
Bondi acknowledged that many people are frustrated she did not share the full client list, which she admitted has been “sitting on her desk” since February. However, she explained that she gave her word to the pedophiles to keep the information private.
“I’m sorry, everyone. I know I promised to release these files, and I had even prepared detailed binders with all the evidence,” Bondi told reporters. “But then these pedophiles showed up and asked me nicely not to. It’s really unfortunate because now these offenders will escape justice. Such a shame!”
When asked why she would prioritize the wishes of criminals over public transparency, Bondi defended her choice. “You should have seen the fear in their eyes,” she said. “You can’t truly understand my decision until you’ve empathized with them like I did.”
In a surprising follow-up, Bondi also revealed she will no longer be releasing information regarding the FBI’s monitoring of Catholics. She explained that some FBI agents politely requested, “Please don’t do that,” so she chose to respect their wishes as well.