MADISON, WI — Despite years of study, researchers at the University of Wisconsin announced Monday that they still can’t figure out where their friend Lisa Pullman keeps meeting these strange and questionable dates.
“Even after countless hours of research, we have no real clue how Lisa finds these total oddballs,” explained Professor Robert Sforza, who dubbed the phenomenon the “circus paradox” to describe the endless parade of awkward, clueless, and downright bizarre people Lisa introduces to their friend group.
“She’s smart, attractive, and generally well-liked, so it completely baffles us how she manages to find such a wide variety of weirdos,” Sforza said. “There’s no consistent pattern. One day she claims she met a guy at Home Depot, the next at some random farmers market. The last one even allegedly stole silverware at a dinner party!”
Sforza added that unless they receive more resources from the wider scientific community, this mystery might remain unsolved during Lisa’s lifetime. The team has urged the public to send any tips that could help map out Lisa’s baffling dating choices.