PHOENIX, AZ — In a remarkable act of social avoidance, a man digs tunnel to avoid church greeters by secretly constructing an underground passage from the parking lot to the sanctuary. Eddie Salzburg dedicated six years to this unusual project solely to bypass the dreaded tradition of greeting upon arrival.
Deacons discovered the elaborate tunnel just this Monday and expressed disbelief at the lengths Salzburg went to avoid small talk and handshakes. Deacon Chase Brown said, “Though it seems extreme, you have to admire his commitment to dodging uncomfortable interactions with church greeters.”
Long-time volunteer Eric Wilson, who has welcomed congregants for over 15 years, shared his disappointment: “It’s disheartening. We just want everyone to feel welcomed, not tunnel under us!”
The tunnel is outfitted with wooden supports, lighting, and even a pet canary to monitor air quality, underscoring Salzburg’s serious dedication. “Handshakes make me anxious,” Salzburg explained. “So I chose six years of digging over two minutes of awkward greetings.”
After the discovery, church officials repurposed the tunnel for storing Vacation Bible School decorations. This unexpected use proved that even the most extreme social avoidance tactics can serve a practical purpose.
If you want to learn more about creative social avoidance methods, check out our article on introvert-friendly places or explore tips on managing social anxiety.